The truth is everybody's addicted to something... shopping, food...drugs, alcohol. We don't choose to be addicted; what we choose to do is deny our pain.
The good news is that every choice you make supersedes and overrides every other choice you have made so today you can choose to be in peace not pieces.
spiritual life counselor
What we choose to do is deny our pain.
We are probably not even aware we are making the choice that Ilanya Vanzant describes.
And we may not even know we are carrying PAIN. THAT would take some significant conscious and courageous attention to what is going on inside us.
A good deal of the time we might just assume we are edgy or irritable from the stresses of the day (which we often feel have been inflicted on us by someone else).
And, as we take on that victim mentality, we feel a need to COMFORT OURSELVES and we turn to our addiction of choice.
But the addiction (comforting though it may initially appear) has no real peace to offer...only a MASK to hide behind...for now. But the pain which is driving the addiction remains.
Soon we find ourselves repeating the process as needed.. with the same results. And we wonder why this keeps happening.
When we become upset, the event or circumstance and the person that triggered our aggravation tend to take center stage in our consciousness.
We find ourselves living and reliving the "thing that was done to us", getting more and more upset with each replay...all the time missing the DIAMOND that is buried in the interaction.
The diamond I am speaking of is the REVELATION to us (IF we are listening) that we are upset because we have unhealed pain.
And that unhealed pain is the ONLY thing we need pay attention to. We do NOT need to concern ourselves with WHAT was said or done nor with WHO said or did it.
Now that proposition may seem quite radical. Ignoring the perpetrator?
Where is the justice in that?
The answer is that this is not an issue of justice, this is an issue of LOVE. And the individual who has triggered our ire is performing an act of love by showing us the pain...the unhealed hurt we are carrying.
To heal that hurt we must become aware of the PAIN...embrace it...let our body feel it...all of it...understand that the pain has served the purpose of protecting us until we acquired the tools to deal with its source.
And this moment...this stunning awareness... holds the potential and power to break that pattern.
We must see that WE own the pain...and that is why we are upset.
Once we recognize that we have been hurt and can send ourselves love and compassion, we can begin the process of healing.
In this space of feeling loved and cared for (by ourselves), we begin to gather the strength and insight and wisdom to see that ALL people need compassion because they, too, carry the scars of their struggles.
And that universal, unconditional caring provides us with the beautiful energy we need to release our pain and begin the path of healing.
Following this path takes courage.
It's so much easier to deny the unhealed pain which has been activated in us, to blame the other person and, therefore, feel justified in comforting ourselves with our addiction.
But, as Ilanya Vanzant says, every new choice we make overrides every other choice we have already made.
Regardless of how we HAVE BEEN navigating our upsetting experiences, we can choose NOW to accept the messages that are waiting in these moments to help us free ourselves from the underlying but ever present pain.
The grace we need to break free from our suffering waits patiently for our awareness.
We are always free to choose peace...the beautiful gift awaiting us at the end of this courageous undertaking.
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