The Honoring of Pain

When I am healed,

  I am not healed alone.

                A Course in Miracles

  
Even though we may make a practice of consciously expressing ourselves in a thoughtful, considerate manner, when we speak to others, sometimes the words we choose or the way we speak them unwittingly ignite a land mine of unhealed emotions buried in someone's psyche.  And, sometimes, the person we are addressing is not even aware that the turbulence now showing itself has been brewing under the surface.  

In this moment, without meaning to, we have pressed a hot button and our button-pressing, unfortunately, gives way to an explosion of fear based emotion fiercely aimed in our direction.  

Voices intensify. Energy steeps and stews.  Now EVERYBODY is feeling agitated and the stage is set for torment and tribulation.

Or not.



WHAT IF in our own emotional evolution, we have learned a powerful way to defuse a distressing situation...and bring insight to the chaos?
 
WHAT IF we have learned to OBJECTIVELY observe what is occurring?  To step back and dispassionately discern another's distressful reaction?   

WHAT IF with compassion (and no trace of judgment) we were to gently and patiently ask the other if fear or anxietyhas flared up in them in that moment?  To ask whatconclusions they may have drawn?  What pain they may be feeling?

WHAT IF we were to study their PROCESS to help us understand the "message" of their emotions? 


Moving from the heat of the moment's reaction to a gentle desire to understand what is transpiring in another is a profound act of transformation.  It is the practice of alchemy...the process of transmuting a common substance into a substance of great value...for the gift of compassion and the desire to understand bring to light pain that needs to be released and a heart badly in need of soothing.  


Is there a greater gift we can give to another than to see and hear and honor what has unconsciously been driving their behavior and deeply affecting their view of the world?

We are here together to minister to each other and help release the pain that is preventing the experience of joy.  

We are here together to listen to the "music" of each other's heart...no matter the cadence or cacophony...creating a symphony of acceptance, love and understanding.  

We are here together to share the treasure of our own spiritual evolution.


The honoring of pain...however it shows itself...is a most eloquent expression of compassion.  And, when we create these moments of beauty, we experience the wonder of that gift being reflected back to us by others who have been touched by the gentleness of our hearts.  


                                                                                     Marie Helena


 image from innerharmony.com

Prelude

The initial note...
the dawning...
the "ceremony"

that leads us into the space of 
THE CHALLENGING EXPERIENCE. 

So salient, so critical...the overture that fashions the response to what is about to unfold.


What kind of "prelude" do we usually create in that compelling moment before we engage in the discussion of a burning issue?



Do we "get right down to business"...not even noticing whether our audience is ready (and calm enough) to receive the "message" on our mind?

Do we begin by listing the words or actionsthat are affecting or, possibly, distressing us?

Do we describe in great detail our view of how things SHOULD have unfolded?



It would be so easy to launch into one of these approaches when we are upset and disturbed by someone's actions. But, by failing to create a space which invites heart sharing, we may well up the ante on distress and significantly lessen our chance of working out our problem with mutual intention and cooperation.


The PRELUDE that we need here in this moment (before we engage in discussion of the issue) should flow from an open heart...a heart that trusts in finding solutions that minister to EVERYONE'S needs. And this intention can be voiced as a prelude to the "discussion".



Here are some examples of what we might say...


I want to share my feelings with you and hearwhat your feelings are.

I want to tell you what I would like to do and have you tell me what you would like to happen. 

I want to honor my feelings and also honor yours. 

I trust that we will find a way to navigate this moment that will take care of both of us. 

I want to give and receive love, support, joy and wisdom. And I thank you for taking the time and making the effort to do this with me."



The first moments of an encounter can meet everyone's emotional need to feel "heard" and "cared for". 

By holding...and voicing...a clear and loving intention to peacefully approach our issue, we set into motion the vibrational PRELUDE that leads to peace, honoring and harmony.



                                           Marie Helena






image from Angelsinnature.wordpress.com

The Cutting Edge: Curiosity

Many people carry the perception that it is difficult to cultivate spiritual practices...that a great deal of restraint and discipline are required to accomplish this goal.   We are often encouraged by inspirational leaders throughout the world to practice love and compassion in our every interaction and, sometimes, this may feel very challenging given the intensity of our own triggers and the pain we may have been holding as a result of them.

But, introducing the actual practice of COMPASSIONmay be as simple as expressing interest and curiosity about how an event that has just transpired has affected another.   Most likely, this would occur after we have expressed our own reaction or response to what has just happened. Admittedly, it is very easy to carry on for a while about how things feel to us but   what if we turned to another after we have spoken our thoughts and simply asked, "How did you experience this?"

With just these few words we have moved beyond the narrow and very specific subject of OUR reaction and generously expressed our curiosity and concern about how another has been affected.  Whether we have been an agent in the action or whether the action has been graced, supported, imposed or inflicted on ourselves and others, the very act of asking someone how this felt to them would naturally influence the way we might choose to respond. 

Now, with this interaction...the knowledge and awareness of how both parties are experiencing the moment...we naturally begin to consider how the emotional needs of both persons are presenting themselves and can be addressed.  And, when both persons feel heard and cared about, things move forward with mutual support and consideration…and, ultimately, with COMPASSION for each other.

Though amazingly powerful, Love  directed responses are innately and profoundly simple.  They emanate from the heart and feel generous and joyful and soothing to our spirit.  If mindfully cultivated, just a very slight change in the pattern of our reaction to distressing moments can redirect us into the flowering of a beautiful spiritual practice: 

How did you experience this?


Marie Helena



image from arocordis.com
Two Flowers Floating, Watercolor.

A Tender Place

I believe there is a very tender place in every human heart.  A place where unconditional love and compassion reside.  This is a gift we come into the world with but, sadly, gets clouded over from the limiting experiences we undergo.  As a result of this, it is sometimes difficult to access this beautiful oasis because we have all been scarred by emotional debris and are in varying stages of doing the work of clearing it out.

I believe there is a way to access this place...a way to help ourselves and to help others connect with this beautiful resource and that is by letting them know the emotions we are experiencing in our body.


So often, when we are triggered or affected by an assumption or a comment made by others, we react with stony silence or a counterattack, drawing the conclusion that we have not been supported or understood.  We feel alone… and sad… and uncared for.  But the reason we feel this way may be that we have not clearly communicated in a very primal and pure way what we are physically experiencing in that moment. 


When we choose to engage with another in a moment of upset or distress exclusively in the mode of this-is-what-you-did-to-me, we miss the opportunity to avail ourselves of a resource of great power that has the potential to bridge the chasm that we are feeling between ourselves and another...and, that is, the sharing of the raw emotions we are experiencing. 


What if when we feel upset or attacked instead of moving immediately into an expression of blame or hurt feelings, we were to take a breath and softly and gently describe the feelings that are taking hold of our body?


For example, we might make a comment such as "In this moment I feel my heart racing and my chest feels tight and I don't know why."

For some beautiful, and, I believe, spiritual reason, the nonjudgmental description of the emotions we are experiencing in that moment has an intense, transformative effect on both individuals involved in the conversation. The person describing the feelings being experienced accesses what lies beneath his surface default reaction of protecting and defending themselves. The person who hears the feelings described experiences the sharing of sacred information.  And both are transformed in that moment because they have together entered into a journey of exploring the pain that is occurring without the heavy armor of accusation, guilt and recrimination.  


In order for an experience such as this to take place, both individuals need to be prepared for it and agree to this very different response to conflict.  Perhaps an understanding can be reached during a peaceful moment to speak to each other in this manner when feeling deep distress.

There is something so intuitive, so powerful that occurs when we truly feel the stirrings...and sadness...of the human heart.  That beautiful, tender place in each of us rises up effortlessly in this epic moment for the purpose of understanding and soothing the emotions being revealed with such deep authenticity.

Whether we are the person expressing the emotions revealing themselves in our body or the person hearing them expressed by another… in this interaction, we enter into a sacred covenant of understanding and compassion, helping to heal ourselves and helping to heal another.


As simple as a soft, gentle step away from the usual fray we engage in and into a space of Divine interaction, offering and receiving the tender grace of a kind and loving heart.


                                                                                                       Marie Helena




image from pinterest.com

New Territory

“Just as any explorer encountering unfamiliar territory, we are going to have to face the lions and tigers, the sand traps and swamps. 

But remember WE put them there and WE can take them out.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whenever we decide (and I mean REALLY decide, ready-to-roll decide) to step up into a new and grander version of ourselves, we usually encounter the rumblings and grumblings of our old default behavior which is not going to take being passed by..stepped over...demoted!!!  in a light and casual manner.

Our default behavior has been with us for many moons...maybe even eons in the larger scheme of things and it's firmly entrenched in our psyche.  When our buttons get pressed, our emotions get T-R-I-G-G-E-R-E-D and we're off and running...running wild, that is. 

And, when we finally DECIDE to step up into a change, the battle lines are drawn (our Higher Self draws them with a firm assist from our growing intention and persistent tenacity) and, to describe the situation in contemporary language, let us just say, "It's ON!"

And, as frustrating as all of this is...it's EXCITING, too,  because we are about to become newer, stronger, more beautiful, more filled with the Light of Grace.

And it is the PROMISE of that TRANSFORMATION that provides the anchoring for the choice.  

We are going to be happier.  

We are going to be more satisfied.  

We are going to AH - PROVE of ourselves even more. 

The "AH" in the previous sentence is there to represent the peaceful place we are moving into and, oh yes, it's quite beautiful...but, just as any explorer encountering unfamiliar territory, we are going to have to face the lions and tigers, the sand traps and swamps. 

But remember WE put them there and WE can take them out.

We put them there because we are awesome and creative dreamers who envision a mighty and exciting battle for ourselves as we march forward in our quest to triumph over defeatist, limiting behavior.  

And, just like Indiana Jones, who ALWAYS prevails over the troublesome adventures that "befall" him, we, too, are the Stars of our Story and are already equipped with the  courage, conviction and wisdom to march into that NEW TERRITORY and claim it as the work of our Soul!

                                    Marie Helena

image from behance.net.   

HEROS on Behance

The Magnificent Licorice Jellybean

Easter Sunday dinner at my daughter’s home is always a wonderful event. Sunshine streams through her home, evidenced in so many ways.  One way is through the awesome messages that appear in some form of art on her walls…

Have an amazing day. 
Listen with your whole heart.
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
Love well.

My daughter and her family are also a source of Sunshineas they always greet visitors with open arms and warm, affectionate hugs, expressing their delight to have someone enter into the flow of their day.

Another way that Light shines through in this loving oasis is in the beautiful way she decorates for each season and holiday, celebrating all events of the changing calendar In order of their appearance on Mother earth.

And, on this particular Sunday, Easter, of course, was in full bloom in all of its glory.  All of the family’s favorite dishes had been prepared and  a very special signature Easter delight could be found in the center of the table:  a brilliantly colored assortment of jellybeans had casually arranged themselves as they were lovingly poured into a glass dish to bask in their Easter springtime glory.

And, as I fondly remember the lovely occasion, I ask:  Who has not experienced and delighted in the robust yet petite extravaganza of taste that is the jellybean!


After finishing our dinner, I eyed the brightly colored, tempting gems in their dish still reigning with such pomp and pageantry in the center of all of the festivities. 

It is time, I thought.  Definitely time for me to indulge in  this Easter delight   Perusing all of the available flavors, I selected what would be THE jellybean of my day.  To the chagrin of a few individuals still nearby, I selected the licorice jellybean.  Apparently, this was not a flavor of jellybean favored by them but, as a connoisseur of licorice, I could not have been happier.  

Now here is what I find to be most significant about my spectacular Easter jellybean:   
I only needed one.

ONE solitary jellybean, unadorned by a parade of cousin jellies, burst happily into its robust flavor as I took my first bite.  ONE jellybean satisfied my search for the perfect sweet ending to the lovely meal.  ONE delicious licorice jellybean evoked my culinary adoration.

There was no need to eat a second… in fact, it seemed as if a second would somehow dim the glory of the initial experience.


To me, it feels like my licorice jellybean “moment” that day was a microcosm of all of our life experiences.  It is a fact that I had been filled with lovely anticipation of the Easter celebration and also bathed in sunshine vibrations at my daughter’s home, but it is also true that the first...and only...bite was GLORIOUS and so wonderfully and engagingly SATISFYING.

What if we could reside in that incredible state of awe where EVERY FIRST MOMENT we encountered held something magical and entertained or delighted us or
 taught us something we did not already know.  What if our first taste, our first encounter could springboard us into new wonder or knowledge or appreciation!

It so easy to move quickly past the initial moment of our experiences, missing the majesty of each and every first encounter.

 Can you imagine the  magnificent “licorice jellybeans” just waiting to burst into our lives!


                                                                                           Marie Helena

image frjom unixtitan.net

Easter Morning Journey

originally printed April 2012

  

It's Easter Sundayand the most beautiful occasion to experience a connection with the earth and its countless earth-dwellers.   This morning I awakened to a wonderful impulse straining into my consciousness.

 

The impulse was to spend the day in the state ofEXPANSION except, of course, for the moments when I was directly engaged in a specific activity.

 First, let me give you a little background on this concept of expansion

Shortly before Christmas I was involved in a car accident and, after the physical healing was well underway, my body began to experience multiple episodes of post-traumatic stress. 

These proved to be a huge challenge and I had to learn how to embrace and work with these experiences so that my body could RELEASE the trauma it was carrying.

I did this work by  practicing sitting quietly and observing my body  

as the physical symptoms moved through it...observing them objectively, with no judgment...tracking their movement and how they changed their expression over time.  

This I was very willing to do and, after practicing this for awhile,  I found that when the symptoms finally abated, i naturally moved into a state of expansion (openness, airiness, weightlessness, pure peace and harmony).  

This state felt WONDERFUL...so wonderful that sometimes I didn't want to leave it.

 

As time went on, I found myself often choosing to engage this process leading me to expansion whenever I became physically or emotionally distressed. 

 
.
But this morning things were different.  

I felt a very strong impulse and yearning to engage in EXPANSION FOR ITS OWN SAKE (and not because of any problem I was experiencing).  And I wanted to enter into this state immediately.

It was soon after the recognition of this feeling that I discovered how the Divine Matrix was working to bring me to this place of peace.

And here we get into more back story.
 
Blogger statistics which are available to individual writers reveal the location of countries which are reading their blog.  I already knew from my statistics that people in ninety-four countries had read my blog but it had been a long, long time since a new country had shown up on that list. 

This morning when I went to check the stats I saw that a new country was reading me right at that moment and it was one I had never heard of before.


It was the Maldives, a group of about 1,200 islands, separated into a series of coral atolls, located just north of the Equator in the Indian Ocean. (Only 200 of these islands are inhabited.)

And here is the astounding thing about the Maldives showing up in my blog statistics. 

 
As I researched this country I  learned that many of the the tropical atolls and islands In the Maldives are simply gorgeous, with swaying palms, white sandy beaches and deep-blue lagoons.
 
Now, if I had to come up with a physical, earth-bound description of what EXPANSION might look like, I would say the Maldives are it.

 

Here is the exciting discovery I made:  

I felt the peacefulness of the Maldives (where someone was reading my blog) coming into me through my waking impulse to enter into expansion.
 

Wow! 

What a fantastic connection...and how wondrously beautiful...the Divine Matrix showing us yet again that we are ONE... all of us living facets of the same experience...all of us coexisting in a lovely harmony of the heart...separated by distance but ministering to each other and sharing our journey by reaching out and through time and space, expressing the Oneness of Everyman.


                             Marie Helena
  

image from naples-marco-island-florida.com

                                                                      

Today, Creator...help me to recover my awareness so that I can see you in everything I perceive with my eyes, with my ears, with all my senses.  Let me perceive with eyes of love so that I find you wherever I go and see you in everything you create.  Help me to see you in every cell of my body, in every emotion of my mind, in every person I meet. 
         
                                                                                          Don Miguel Ruiz