Yes or No

Everyone loves to hear YES when we ask a question or make a request.  It feels good. We’re happy. We got what we wanted.  But the dreaded NO has some gifts, too, and they may surprisingly enhance our lives.

It has taken me a long time to come to the conclusion that EITHER Yes OR No is a always the perfect answer.  For many years when I made a request or asked a question,  I always had an answer in mind that I hoped to hear. 

I think we all do. The very act of “asking” means we are invested in the subject and want something and we pretty much know what that something is.

Of course, we do not always get what we want or hear what we want to hear.  And that can produce disappointment.  We feel sad…let down by the person we are speaking to.

And here is the heart of the problem we need to see.  How can someone “let us down” when they are speaking their truth?  When they are being authentic with us (one of the greatest compliments we could receive)?  When they are comfortable and relaxed with us just in being themselves?  

And the fact is we have limited vision.  We can see what’s right in front of us. We can know what we want. But we can’t see all of the cooperating components that can determine what is really in our best interest and help us  to transcend our usual default behavior.

When the answer to our question or request is a “yes”, it is simple and easy to embrace the response.  But when the answer to our question or request is a “no”, we may feel despondent or distressed.  And that is only because our plan will not unfold as we had envisioned.  But what now has the potential to unfold is something deeper and possibly has more substance than what we had imagined we wanted.  

The NO response compels us to rethink, reexamine and regroup. Here we don’t just get to ride the high (the prize we asked for).  We get to be challenged. We get the opportunity to get off center stage and see who is on the boards with us.  And hear what they are feeling. And, if we are listening, we can learn something new. A new way of looking at our request.  A new way of understanding the feelings of others.  A new way to apply all of this to our lives.

If we hear the “no” answer with an open heart and the intention to understand, we have the opportunity to learn something important and even powerful about the person with whom we are engaging.  There’s always more to the story when a “no”answer is involved and, if the person with whom we are speaking is ready to share their feelings…and if we are sensitive and aware of this beautiful opening, we may happen upon the opportunity for  a moment of healing or resolution.

Curiosity is so good for us. It keeps us awake and vibrant and growing.  I think this planet we share and the people who inhabit it are gifts of opportunity.  Learning to understand the story behind any NO that comes your way makes you more sensitive, more aware, more empathic and more supportive to others.

The answers you get to the questions you ask and the requests you make can take you on all kinds of adventures.   There is always something more that is wondrous for you to know.

                                           Marie Helena