I believe there is a very tender place in every human heart. A place where unconditional love and compassion reside. This is a gift we come into the world with but, sadly, gets clouded over from the limiting experiences we undergo. As a result of this, it is sometimes difficult to access this beautiful oasis because we have all been scarred by emotional debris and are in varying stages of doing the work of clearing it out.
I believe there is a way to access this place...a way to help ourselves and to help others connect with this beautiful resource and that is by letting them know the emotions we are experiencing in our body.
So often, when we are triggered or affected by an assumption or a comment made by others, we react with stony silence or a counterattack, drawing the conclusion that we have not been supported or understood. We feel alone… and sad… and uncared for. But the reason we feel this way may be that we have not clearly communicated in a very primal and pure way what we are physically experiencing in that moment.
When we choose to engage with another in a moment of upset or distress exclusively in the mode of this-is-what-you-did-to-me, we miss the opportunity to avail ourselves of a resource of great power that has the potential to bridge the chasm that we are feeling between ourselves and another...and, that is, the sharing of the raw emotions we are experiencing.
What if when we feel upset or attacked instead of moving immediately into an expression of blame or hurt feelings, we were to take a breath and softly and gently describe the feelings that are taking hold of our body?
For example, we might make a comment such as "In this moment I feel my heart racing and my chest feels tight and I don't know why."
For some beautiful, and, I believe, spiritual reason, the nonjudgmental description of the emotions we are experiencing in that moment has an intense, transformative effect on both individuals involved in the conversation. The person describing the feelings being experienced accesses what lies beneath his surface default reaction of protecting and defending themselves. The person who hears the feelings described experiences the sharing of sacred information. And both are transformed in that moment because they have together entered into a journey of exploring the pain that is occurring without the heavy armor of accusation, guilt and recrimination.
In order for an experience such as this to take place, both individuals need to be prepared for it and agree to this very different response to conflict. Perhaps an understanding can be reached during a peaceful moment to speak to each other in this manner when feeling deep distress.
There is something so intuitive, so powerful that occurs when we truly feel the stirrings...and sadness...of the human heart. That beautiful, tender place in each of us rises up effortlessly in this epic moment for the purpose of understanding and soothing the emotions being revealed with such deep authenticity.
Whether we are the person expressing the emotions revealing themselves in our body or the person hearing them expressed by another… in this interaction, we enter into a sacred covenant of understanding and compassion, helping to heal ourselves and helping to heal another.
As simple as a soft, gentle step away from the usual fray we engage in and into a space of Divine interaction, offering and receiving the tender grace of a kind and loving heart.
image from pinterest.com