Let's face it. Most of us have some degree of codependency (we are mega-affected by the feelings of people around us, and, especially, by their feelings toward us).
If we bring up an idea or express an emotion that does not sit well with someone and that person seems unsettled or disapproving, we are NOT OK. Our state of well-being DEPENDS on what someone else thinks about us and our actions. This state of affairs can produce in us a feeling of disappointment, of sadness and, most importantly, of powerlessness.
And the fact is we have unknowingly GIVEN our power away.
We do this by placing every person in our lives on a white horse...in our imagination, that is (and we all know how powerful our imaginations can be). Everyone knows what people on white horses do...they are the heroes who say and do all the "right" things. They are busy prancing around on their masterful white steeds bringing happiness and peace to everyone around them.
That's in our version of a "perfect world". But what happens if the figure on the white horse does or says something that is not what we would like to hear...what we think will make us feel better about ourselves?
Disappointment. That's what happens. All because we EXPECTED white horse behavior.
We expected it because that's what white horse riders do...BUT we have given this assignment to others WITHOUT their knowledge or consent. And we have assigned this task to others because we have been wounded and want and need to heal our pain. We have experienced some dysfunction in our lives such as failing to learn to trust ourselves for the answers we seek. We have missed the all important message that WE have the capacity to heal ourselves, that WE possess that power. And because we have not developed that belief in ourselves, we look OUTSIDE of ourselves and expect others to heal our hurts.
We are making a misdiagnosis here and it is something we agreed to do long ago on a soul level so that we can travel the path of discovery and find our way back to the source of our authentic power. We may not yet believe this fact but that doesn't mean it isn't so.
The answer to the conundrum of the white horse syndrome lies in true love. In the state of true love, we accept others unconditionally. Attaining this, of course, involves a good deal of experience and learning but when we are ready and able to aspire and eventually exist in this state, we no longer expect everyone around us to take care of us by soothing us with gentle, approving, affirming statements. We see clearly that we are all foot soldiers, embarked on our own adventures and we love all others unconditionally, regardless of their behavior toward us.
And, when we give this same beautiful, unconditional caring also to ourselves, WE no longer expect to be perfectly happy, satisfied and affirmed at all times. We accept OUR humanity, including our missteps and misperceptions and the consequences of these actions. As fellow foot soldiers, alongside our compatriots, we know that we, too, journey through the adventure of discovering where our true power lies...in our own self-approval. When we have done something we approve of, we do not need anyone else to affirm us. Deep within our hearts, WE affirm ourselves. And when we look back at something we have done that has not worked well for us, we OWN that "adventure" and learn from it as a part of everyman's (and, in this case, our) journey.
Let us all consider adjusting our range of view from holding an expectation about our white horse saviors and, instead, moving our loving gaze to ourselves and our fellow journeymen on foot who are all in the business of recognizing and enjoying their authentic power and, therefore, their ascendancy to their true Spirit selves.
image from pinterest