It is inevitable that we will sometimes encounter experiences that are aggravating to our spirit. And when someone says or does something that is intensely annoying to us, there is a very powerful impulse to try to change their behavior so that we will not experience this kind of moment again. And this is difficult, draining work...all that explaining, justifying and pleading for what we prefer, trying to talk people into remembering in the future how we would like things to be. But the fact is there is not enough time or energy in the world to change ALL of the people whose way of doing things triggers us and to get them to do instead what makes us feel comfortable.
And yet it is SO tempting to try to do this...and it would make our life so peaceful, we think. And so we try...and try...and try...
and we suffer when it doesn't work.
But it is not our job to change people.
We can't really do it anyway. Change is an inside job...and that is where it properly resides. We CAN, however, do our own inside work...do the work on US, not them. Go the direct route, targeted for action and relief...a cutting edge move.
When we are triggered, the energy of the reaction which is kicking up inside us is lodged in our emotions and that is precisely where we need to direct our attention. We need to MOVE that energy out from where it is stuck and we need to TRANSFORM it before it moves. Help it to flow freely. We can transform the energy by offering compassion to ourselves and the other person for what we are both experiencing. Transform it into a gentle, straightforward statement...acknowledging the emotions we perceive are being expressed by the other person, acknowledging the distress we are feeling because of this and acknowledging the reason for our reaction (if we are aware of it). Then, explaining gently under what circumstances we could better receive the message they are sending.
Here's the critical point in this approach. We are not delivering OUR message with the intention of getting the other person to change (though this may happen), we are delivering it only to MOVE the energy through US...and to do it in a way that helps us respect ourselves.
MOVE THE ENERGY. Keep it F L O W I N G. Move it out and through us. Direct it onto a new and more enlightened path. Give it clarity and compassion. THAT is where the power is.
Similar vibrations magnetically attract each other. When we choose to communicate from a position of acceptance and understanding, that is what we will receive in return. (And, if the other party in our transaction cannot reach that same vibration, he will move away from us.)
Now we've turned the irritation into an OPPORTUNITY to step up into a higher version of ourselves and we've cleared out our inner static and energetic debris. We have also safeguarded our feelings of peace and calm, no matter what is transpiring around us.
This is also a powerful way to protect our own power, to decide for ourselves how we want to proceed when faced with an unexpected catalyst which has activated our own unhealed pain.
And, for our efforts, another elegant outcome cascades gracefully from our action: We become the change we wish to see. And, by becoming it ourselves, we create an oasis where we can reside while others work out the byways of their own individual journeys.
image from wallpaperdisk.com.