Yutori

The Japanese have a word for the beautiful concept of

spaciousness...Yutori. 

Writer and story coach Sally Fox describes it as: 
living with enough time and enough space to allow the world to fill you, often in simple ways.

Seems easy enough to do, doesn’t it?  But so often we find ourselves rushing to an event or appointment arriving exactly on time or, perhaps, even a few minutes late and, thereby, leaping directly into the scheduled activity, missing the beautiful ambiance of the moment.   And, yet, it is in this wondrous and mystical ambiance that the world speaks to us and fills our souls with the energy of every element that is a part of each scene we enter.

We live truly enchanting lives.  Each new setting we find ourselves in holds vibrational  character and potential personal impact.  Each setting is just waiting to interact with us having been assembled by the Divine Universe to address the issues we care about and are concerned with.

But we must trust our hearts to be the connectors, inviting them to listen, see and feel the moment.  Every living thing has an animating spirit.  Every animating spirit exists to support our journey.  All we need do is invite and engage the support we seek.  We are surrounded by thousands of opportunities, by animating spirits excited for us, joining together to help us evolve.  Everyone and everything is BREATHING this joyful ministry.

Messages are waiting to be delivered to inspire and motivate us. The scent of a beautiful flower may evoke a tender feeling in our hearts.  The sight of a child’s playfulness can remind us of the purity and power of authenticity.  The coldness of the steel we touch may evoke the memory of a news report of immigrant children sleeping on cement floors.  Any or all of these moments may stir our hearts to take action in the direction we wish to grow.

But to SEE all of this, to not pass it by we must invite each moment of our day to speak to our hearts and we must create the spaciousness for this to happen.  We must pause in our valiant efforts of DOING to choose BEING instead.  Being present.  Walking into a moment and breathing it into our hearts.  Feeling ease.  Seeing the love and support awaiting us.  Inviting the spirit and beauty of all things to engage with us in our SPACIOUS lives. 

YUTORI 

                                                  Marie Helena 

image from Pinterest

The Trial

When I was in graduate school pursuing my Master’s Degree, I had a professor who taught an entire course focusing on one single piece of literature:  Franz Kafka’s novel, The Trial.  

 At the time, it seemed strange to me that the entire semester would be devoted to studying just that one novel.  We were required to write a definitive paper for the course about the significance of the novel.  I labored over this assignment for a long period of time but could not seem to determine what it was the professor wanted us to recognize.  Eventually, I had a discussion with a fellow student in the class who explained to me that Kafka’s novel could be read one way to make a very compelling point.  But it could also be read a second way to convey a completely opposite meaning.   


It took a real challenge to my intellect for me to take Kafka’s novel and step back and give it some perspective so that I could  see it from two completely different points of view.  I was finally able to do it, but only now looking at my life experiences do I understand what I think the method was in my professor’s “madness“.


This morning, many years later, I feel I am finally realizing the rationale my professor might very well have had in mind.  This graduate school course exercise seems to me now to be designed to reinforce an important truth about life:  We see what we already believe or, to be more precise, what we are prepared and willing to believe about the world and, most especially, about ourselves.


It is incredibly easy to see what we EXPECT to be there…what we already believe about ourselves and others.  The life snapshots we click on seem so real and so “rational” and so we file them away as objective evidence of the beliefs we are already holding, completely ignoring the fact that they validate and justify the life conclusions we have made to that point in time which steadfastly occupy the submerged part of the iceberg which is our subconscious.

And so, trapped in the tundra of our early life impressions and experiences, how do we emerge to free ourselves and discover what else the canvas holds?

My graduate school professor MADE us look for more and I am left with the prospect of considering whether there is ALWAYS more.  And it seems to me there is and failing to recognize that is to overlook important information that would increase our awareness of the issues that complicate our lives and our empathy for the individuals struggling through them.


What if, as a practice, we made ourselves search for whatever could prove the opposite of what we believe?

Where could this lead us?  Would it make us more empathic?  More open?  More aware?  More cognizant of vital information?  Would it source all of our actions in LOVE?

Without opening ourselves up to the possibility that there is more to the story, we may very well assign ourselves the role of existing in the small, constructed room we have built around our hearts.  We may fail to see the pain that others are enduring.  We may also fail to see the beauty, the caring, the love that is being expressed to us in ways that we do not readily recognize. 

We need to step out of our own limited experience and open ourselves up to the mystery and wonder of the myriad of ways that people respond to life.

I have heard this profound truth expressed before. I have even recognized myself at times as bound to my currently operating beliefs.  But I have not been moved to transcend this practice until today as I, with great curiosity and excitement, recall my graduate course in Kafka.  

I wonder how many things we experience in life failing to understand the power of their significance.  

It seems worth the effort to move past our already formulated, sometimes cursory assessments and open ourselves up to the mystery hiding in the corners of our lives.  The great thirteenth century mystic Rumi advises us to “sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.”

Following Rumi’s guidance will undoubtedly lead us to some new wisdom.  Perhaps THIS is the real TRIAL awaiting us.  Will we eventually reach the point where we can see beyond the boundaries that we have constructed for ourselves through the necessity for our survival or by the world itself moving through its own evolution?


                                                                                         Marie Helena



image from pinterest
Imprimer à partir d'aquarelle mode Illustration par Mysoulfly ...

The Road Less Traveled*

The Medal...The Prize…The Goal...

The Achievement!!!

The supreme “reward” of reaching our goals exists today as an intense cultural value.  And getting to those goals faster and more efficiently than ever before is considered the capstone of achievement.  The world worships and adulates evidence of this mastery.

But what have we really mastered?

We have learned to be so singularly focused on the prize that we are not aware of the beautiful, engaging experiences we are passing through.  Instead, each moment  recasts itself as a steppingstone to the end goal...something to be managed, dealt with, overcome.  

And we spend great effort and time conditioning ourselves for our performance so that we can endure even while sustaining physical, mental and emotional stress.

This is not a story of beauty and gentleness, of calm and connection.  It is a story of effort rather than enjoyment, stress instead of stillness.

There is, undoubtedly, great value in developing our physical prowess, in the accompanying mental agility

and in the determination and  tenacity that makes these accomplishments possible.

But we must not be so completely consumed by the “trophies” of achievement which we feel define us as winners in the eyes of the world.  We must make room for us to also unwind and soften our ambitions to succeed.

Let’s define ourselves just as profoundly as fully awakened to the world’s  breathtaking beauty, to the exquisite joy of hearing its heartbeat as it manifests in the whimsical daisy, the rush of its rivers, the tawny cat curled sleepily on the porch.  And, most especially, to each other as we share the longings of our souls.

As we continue to climb the  metaphoric hills of our lives,

Let us embrace and ENJOY the bountiful and exquisite gifts of the journey.  

The frantic drive to accomplish our goals is man’s interpretation of achieving success in the world.  Relaxing into its natural elegance and  grace is the Divine Universe’s prescription for finding our JOY.

                       😎🌷🦋🐰🌻🐿🌿🪁

                                               Marie Helena

What a beautiful day.  Summer!!! What a gift.   Feel the warmth of the sun as it permeates your  body and feeds the soul. A good time to relax, meditate and listen. 

                                            Dan Pokora

The Road Less Travelled*

Title credited from a book of the same name by M. Scott Peck

floral image: 

Watercolor paintings

pinterest..com

Remembrance: Why We Should Forgive Ourselves

FORGIVE YOURSELF. 

The supreme act of forgiveness is when you can forgive yourself for all the wounds you've created in your own life. Forgiveness is an act of self-love. When you forgive yourself, self-acceptance begins and self-love grows,
 
Don Miguel Ruiz

As we write the story of our life, our learning occurs in a myriad of ways.  Sometimes the path is straight and clear.  We take action that feels instinctively right...it works beautifully...we benefit and all is well.
 
Sometimes our learning takes a different path.  

Sometimes we are influenced by unhealed pain, hurt, unmet needs, etc. and we choose a path that is not in our best interest.  But, at that time, the choice we made felt like the only way we could go.

And so we went there.  And it was not what we expected. 

All was not well.  And we ultimately JUDGED ourselves for the choice and stayed mired in sadness and regret. 

Writing the story of our life is not usually a black and white endeavor.  Sometimes we are drawn to what SEEMS like a solution but ultimately does not deliver on that (false) promise. 

 

However, our learning can occur quite brilliantly when we can view our actions with some objectivity...

perhaps uncover what has moved us in that direction...

love ourselves through the pain of self-confrontation,,,

and emerge with a stronger, braver view of what we want to do with our lives.

Judging ourselves (or anyone or anything) is not productive. 

It delays our process of learning.  

What is needed is an open, accepting heart that understands we were trying to navigate some difficulty...a heart which knows that LOVE is always expressing itself the best way it knows how.

What we did is what we knew.  When we know better, we do better.  

And, as we reflect on our choices and their consequences, we begin to know better and we do better.  We pass by judgment, embracing instead our humanity and moving forward with new wisdom and insight.

 

Perhaps the forgiveness which Don Miguel Ruiz is talking about can really be called the simple act of KNOWING that we are on a journey with some distracting side paths which ultimately can lead us to our true destination...a REMEMBERING of the glorious perfection of Who We Truly Are and an acceptance of how learning can occur in a dualistic world.

                                                             Marie Helena

                                                                               

image from salliesart.blogspot.com

Masquerade

Deepak Chopra,world renowned mind-body connection guru, tells us that "All great changes are preceded by chaos."

It is only when our usual, predictable methods of handling our life problems FAIL and we are feeling LOST that we step outside the box and search for new inspiration regarding how to reframe the issues and, thereby, change our perspective, our beliefs and ultimately our feelings.  

This point in time is extremely valuable to usbecause without the turmoil and tumult...without the agitation and frustration of the chaos... we would keep doing what has always worked for us...

we would ride the high...

but we would stop growing.

And that is why we need to BLESS these moments.  The Divine Universe is sensing we are READY for the next cutting-edge change in our life.  It has upped the ante, sizing us up as capable of dealing with the distress and, even more importantly,  capable of making it work in our favor.

In Alberto Villoldo's COURAGEOUS DREAMING he gives us an inspired suggestion regarding how to change the story we are telling ourselves about the chaos.

Villoldo says we tend to see ourselves in one of three roles:  victim, rescuer or perpetrator. 

If, however, we can vacate these roles and fly instead to the spiritual level of eagle in our version of the story...we can successfully REFRAME its significance...how it affects us...and what we are able to learn about ourselves.

If the chaos we are experiencing makes us feel victimized...

if the fallout of the crisis feels personal...

know that it IS personal but it is not meant as an attack on us...

it is a personal, unique-to-us  OPPORTUNITY to reach deep inside and find the strength and resilience to transcend the experience and find within ourselves the courage...the creativity...and the conviction to see the bigger picture and to nurture a character trait that we have not yet developed.

What brings  us angst, fear, distress, frustration... ALSO brings us the very  powerful occasion for transcendence and release from that suffering.

Chaos is the ultimate MASQUERADE.  What looks like pandemonium  is, in reality, a perfect strategy.

An always-brilliant plan to help us evolve  into the Next, Grandest Version of Ourselves...from the highest state-of-the-art personal development bureau, The Divine Universe!

                                       Marie Helena

                                                                        

image from ayrerabbitry.webs.

Codependency, the White Horse Syndrome and True Love

  Let's face it.  Most of us have some degree of codependency (we are mega-affected by the feelings of people around us, and, especially, by their feelings toward us).  

If we bring up an idea or express an emotion that does not sit well with someone and that person seems unsettled or disapproving, we are NOT OK.  Our state of well-being DEPENDS on what someone else thinks about us and our actions.  This state of affairs can produce in us a feeling of disappointment, of sadness and, most importantly, of powerlessness.  


And the fact is we have unknowingly GIVENour power away.  

We do this by placing every person in our lives on a white horse...in our imagination, that is (and we all know how powerful our imaginations can be).  Everyone knows what people on white horses do...they are the heroes who say and do all the "right" things.  They are busy prancing around on their masterful white steeds bringing happiness and peace to everyone around them.

That's in our version of a "perfect world".  But what happens if the figure on the white horse does or says something that is not what we would like to hear...what we think will make us feel better about ourselves?


 
Disappointment.  That's what happens.   All because we EXPECTED white horse behavior.

 

We expected it because that's what white horse riders do...BUT we have given this assignment to others WITHOUT their knowledge or consent.  And we have assigned this task to others because we have been wounded and want and need to heal our pain.  We have experienced some dysfunction in our lives such as failing to learn to trust ourselves for the answers we seek.  We have missed the all important message that WE have the capacity to heal ourselves, that WE possess that power.  And because we have not developed that belief in ourselves, we look OUTSIDE of ourselves and expect others to heal our hurts.  


We are making a misdiagnosis here and it is something we agreed to do long ago on a soul level so that we can travel the path of discovery and find our way back to the source of our authentic power.  We may not yet believe this fact but that doesn't mean it isn't so.

 
The answer to the conundrum of the white horse syndrome lies in true love.  In the state of true love, we accept others unconditionally. Attaining this, of course, involves a good deal of experience and learning but when we are ready and able to aspire and eventually exist in this state, we no longer expect everyone around us to take care of us by soothing us with gentle, approving, affirming statements.  We see clearly that we are all foot soldiers, embarked on our own adventures and we love all others unconditionally, regardless of their behavior toward us.  

 
And, when we give this same beautiful, unconditional caring also to ourselves, WE no longer expect to be perfectly happy, satisfied and affirmed at all times.  We accept OUR humanity, including our missteps and misperceptions and the consequences of these actions.  As fellow foot soldiers, alongside our compatriots, we know that we, too, journey through the adventure of discovering where our true power lies...in our own self-approval.  When we have done something we approve of, we do not need anyone else to affirm us.  Deep within our hearts, WE affirm ourselves.  And when we look back at something we have done that has not worked well for us, we OWN that "adventure" and learn from it as a part of everyman's (and, in this case, our) journey.

 
Let us all consider adjusting our range of viewfrom holding an expectation about our white horse saviors and, instead, moving our loving gaze to ourselves and our fellow journeymen on footwho are all in the business of recognizing and enjoying their authentic power and, therefore, their ascendancy to their true Spirit selves.


                                                                                                                      Marie Helena
                                                      

 
image from  pinterest

Beyond the Words

I  always start to lose focus when I think I understand what I'm hearing rather than feeling it.
        Mark Nepo


There's a reason why we have a left brain and a right brain.  They both have work to do. The left brain is logical...it grabs the meaning...makes sense of things...understands.  The right brain, on the other hand, is feeling- centered, emotional, intuitive.


Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that logic (the left brain) is ALL that we need.  Like in conversations, for instance.  Once we get the idea of what someone is saying or even just hear the drift of it and fill in the blanks ourselves, we think we have truly gotten the message.


Not so.

We have heard the facts (or, perhaps even assumed them).  We have heard the sequence of how things transpired.  We may have even heard the end of the story...at least to this point. 


But what we have not done is FELT the message being sent to us.  That takes right brain work...and a little time...and an investment of our heart energy. And we are not going to make this effort if understanding others is not our 

priority...if we are consumed with what is transpiring regarding our own agenda...and if we are not tuning in to the emotional states of the individuals with whom we are interacting.  




And, if any of these conditions is true and we are not really perceiving the emotions of others, we are missing the opportunity to participate in the exquisite experience of CONNECTING with them through our understanding of their heart.



The giving of a gift engenders joy and appreciation and connection...and connection is one of the greatest pleasures we experience.  Feeling cared about... listened to...honored in that way...is beautiful and so soul satisfying.



When we give our full attention AND invite our heart to respond, we open a precious pathway of mutual caring and consideration.  



Listening beyond the words someone speaks and really taking in the emotional impact they represent creates the most beautiful environment for the expression of compassion and empathy...in both directions.



Put on your metaphorical headphones...
open your heart to someone's emotional music!  

Choosing the intention of listening BEYOND THE WORDS may be the most wonderful gift you ever give to others and yourself!




                    Marie Helena 

        

image of girl with headphones from colourbox.