A Tender Place

I believe there is a very tender place in every human heart.  A place where unconditional love and compassion reside.  This is a gift we come into the world with but, sadly, gets clouded over from the limiting experiences we undergo.  As a result of this, it is sometimes difficult to access this beautiful oasis because we have all been scarred by emotional debris and are in varying stages of doing the work of clearing it out.

I believe there is a way to access this place...a way to help ourselves and to help others connect with this beautiful resource and that is by letting them know the emotions we are experiencing in our body.


So often, when we are triggered or affected by an assumption or a comment made by others, we react with stony silence or a counterattack, drawing the conclusion that we have not been supported or understood.  We feel alone… and sad… and uncared for.  But the reason we feel this way may be that we have not clearly communicated in a very primal and pure way what we are physically experiencing in that moment. 


When we choose to engage with another in a moment of upset or distress exclusively in the mode of this-is-what-you-did-to-me, we miss the opportunity to avail ourselves of a resource of great power that has the potential to bridge the chasm that we are feeling between ourselves and another...and, that is, the sharing of the raw emotions we are experiencing. 


What if when we feel upset or attacked instead of moving immediately into an expression of blame or hurt feelings, we were to take a breath and softly and gently describe the feelings that are taking hold of our body?


For example, we might make a comment such as "In this moment I feel my heart racing and my chest feels tight and I don't know why."

For some beautiful, and, I believe, spiritual reason, the nonjudgmental description of the emotions we are experiencing in that moment has an intense, transformative effect on both individuals involved in the conversation. The person describing the feelings being experienced accesses what lies beneath his surface default reaction of protecting and defending themselves. The person who hears the feelings described experiences the sharing of sacred information.  And both are transformed in that moment because they have together entered into a journey of exploring the pain that is occurring without the heavy armor of accusation, guilt and recrimination.  


In order for an experience such as this to take place, both individuals need to be prepared for it and agree to this very different response to conflict.  Perhaps an understanding can be reached during a peaceful moment to speak to each other in this manner when feeling deep distress.

There is something so intuitive, so powerful that occurs when we truly feel the stirrings...and sadness...of the human heart.  That beautiful, tender place in each of us rises up effortlessly in this epic moment for the purpose of understanding and soothing the emotions being revealed with such deep authenticity.

Whether we are the person expressing the emotions revealing themselves in our body or the person hearing them expressed by another… in this interaction, we enter into a sacred covenant of understanding and compassion, helping to heal ourselves and helping to heal another.


As simple as a soft, gentle step away from the usual fray we engage in and into a space of Divine interaction, offering and receiving the tender grace of a kind and loving heart.


                                                                                                       Marie Helena




image from pinterest.com

New Territory

“Just as any explorer encountering unfamiliar territory, we are going to have to face the lions and tigers, the sand traps and swamps. 

But remember WE put them there and WE can take them out.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whenever we decide (and I mean REALLY decide, ready-to-roll decide) to step up into a new and grander version of ourselves, we usually encounter the rumblings and grumblings of our old default behavior which is not going to take being passed by..stepped over...demoted!!!  in a light and casual manner.

Our default behavior has been with us for many moons...maybe even eons in the larger scheme of things and it's firmly entrenched in our psyche.  When our buttons get pressed, our emotions get T-R-I-G-G-E-R-E-D and we're off and running...running wild, that is. 

And, when we finally DECIDE to step up into a change, the battle lines are drawn (our Higher Self draws them with a firm assist from our growing intention and persistent tenacity) and, to describe the situation in contemporary language, let us just say, "It's ON!"

And, as frustrating as all of this is...it's EXCITING, too,  because we are about to become newer, stronger, more beautiful, more filled with the Light of Grace.

And it is the PROMISE of that TRANSFORMATION that provides the anchoring for the choice.  

We are going to be happier.  

We are going to be more satisfied.  

We are going to AH - PROVE of ourselves even more. 

The "AH" in the previous sentence is there to represent the peaceful place we are moving into and, oh yes, it's quite beautiful...but, just as any explorer encountering unfamiliar territory, we are going to have to face the lions and tigers, the sand traps and swamps. 

But remember WE put them there and WE can take them out.

We put them there because we are awesome and creative dreamers who envision a mighty and exciting battle for ourselves as we march forward in our quest to triumph over defeatist, limiting behavior.  

And, just like Indiana Jones, who ALWAYS prevails over the troublesome adventures that "befall" him, we, too, are the Stars of our Story and are already equipped with the  courage, conviction and wisdom to march into that NEW TERRITORY and claim it as the work of our Soul!

                                    Marie Helena

image from behance.net.   

HEROS on Behance

The Magnificent Licorice Jellybean

Easter Sunday dinner at my daughter’s home is always a wonderful event. Sunshine streams through her home, evidenced in so many ways.  One way is through the awesome messages that appear in some form of art on her walls…

Have an amazing day. 
Listen with your whole heart.
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
Love well.

My daughter and her family are also a source of Sunshineas they always greet visitors with open arms and warm, affectionate hugs, expressing their delight to have someone enter into the flow of their day.

Another way that Light shines through in this loving oasis is in the beautiful way she decorates for each season and holiday, celebrating all events of the changing calendar In order of their appearance on Mother earth.

And, on this particular Sunday, Easter, of course, was in full bloom in all of its glory.  All of the family’s favorite dishes had been prepared and  a very special signature Easter delight could be found in the center of the table:  a brilliantly colored assortment of jellybeans had casually arranged themselves as they were lovingly poured into a glass dish to bask in their Easter springtime glory.

And, as I fondly remember the lovely occasion, I ask:  Who has not experienced and delighted in the robust yet petite extravaganza of taste that is the jellybean!


After finishing our dinner, I eyed the brightly colored, tempting gems in their dish still reigning with such pomp and pageantry in the center of all of the festivities. 

It is time, I thought.  Definitely time for me to indulge in  this Easter delight   Perusing all of the available flavors, I selected what would be THE jellybean of my day.  To the chagrin of a few individuals still nearby, I selected the licorice jellybean.  Apparently, this was not a flavor of jellybean favored by them but, as a connoisseur of licorice, I could not have been happier.  

Now here is what I find to be most significant about my spectacular Easter jellybean:   
I only needed one.

ONE solitary jellybean, unadorned by a parade of cousin jellies, burst happily into its robust flavor as I took my first bite.  ONE jellybean satisfied my search for the perfect sweet ending to the lovely meal.  ONE delicious licorice jellybean evoked my culinary adoration.

There was no need to eat a second… in fact, it seemed as if a second would somehow dim the glory of the initial experience.


To me, it feels like my licorice jellybean “moment” that day was a microcosm of all of our life experiences.  It is a fact that I had been filled with lovely anticipation of the Easter celebration and also bathed in sunshine vibrations at my daughter’s home, but it is also true that the first...and only...bite was GLORIOUS and so wonderfully and engagingly SATISFYING.

What if we could reside in that incredible state of awe where EVERY FIRST MOMENT we encountered held something magical and entertained or delighted us or
 taught us something we did not already know.  What if our first taste, our first encounter could springboard us into new wonder or knowledge or appreciation!

It so easy to move quickly past the initial moment of our experiences, missing the majesty of each and every first encounter.

 Can you imagine the  magnificent “licorice jellybeans” just waiting to burst into our lives!


                                                                                           Marie Helena

image frjom unixtitan.net

Easter Morning Journey

originally printed April 2012

  

It's Easter Sundayand the most beautiful occasion to experience a connection with the earth and its countless earth-dwellers.   This morning I awakened to a wonderful impulse straining into my consciousness.

 

The impulse was to spend the day in the state ofEXPANSION except, of course, for the moments when I was directly engaged in a specific activity.

 First, let me give you a little background on this concept of expansion

Shortly before Christmas I was involved in a car accident and, after the physical healing was well underway, my body began to experience multiple episodes of post-traumatic stress. 

These proved to be a huge challenge and I had to learn how to embrace and work with these experiences so that my body could RELEASE the trauma it was carrying.

I did this work by  practicing sitting quietly and observing my body  

as the physical symptoms moved through it...observing them objectively, with no judgment...tracking their movement and how they changed their expression over time.  

This I was very willing to do and, after practicing this for awhile,  I found that when the symptoms finally abated, i naturally moved into a state of expansion (openness, airiness, weightlessness, pure peace and harmony).  

This state felt WONDERFUL...so wonderful that sometimes I didn't want to leave it.

 

As time went on, I found myself often choosing to engage this process leading me to expansion whenever I became physically or emotionally distressed. 

 
.
But this morning things were different.  

I felt a very strong impulse and yearning to engage in EXPANSION FOR ITS OWN SAKE (and not because of any problem I was experiencing).  And I wanted to enter into this state immediately.

It was soon after the recognition of this feeling that I discovered how the Divine Matrix was working to bring me to this place of peace.

And here we get into more back story.
 
Blogger statistics which are available to individual writers reveal the location of countries which are reading their blog.  I already knew from my statistics that people in ninety-four countries had read my blog but it had been a long, long time since a new country had shown up on that list. 

This morning when I went to check the stats I saw that a new country was reading me right at that moment and it was one I had never heard of before.


It was the Maldives, a group of about 1,200 islands, separated into a series of coral atolls, located just north of the Equator in the Indian Ocean. (Only 200 of these islands are inhabited.)

And here is the astounding thing about the Maldives showing up in my blog statistics. 

 
As I researched this country I  learned that many of the the tropical atolls and islands In the Maldives are simply gorgeous, with swaying palms, white sandy beaches and deep-blue lagoons.
 
Now, if I had to come up with a physical, earth-bound description of what EXPANSION might look like, I would say the Maldives are it.

 

Here is the exciting discovery I made:  

I felt the peacefulness of the Maldives (where someone was reading my blog) coming into me through my waking impulse to enter into expansion.
 

Wow! 

What a fantastic connection...and how wondrously beautiful...the Divine Matrix showing us yet again that we are ONE... all of us living facets of the same experience...all of us coexisting in a lovely harmony of the heart...separated by distance but ministering to each other and sharing our journey by reaching out and through time and space, expressing the Oneness of Everyman.


                             Marie Helena
  

image from naples-marco-island-florida.com

                                                                      

Today, Creator...help me to recover my awareness so that I can see you in everything I perceive with my eyes, with my ears, with all my senses.  Let me perceive with eyes of love so that I find you wherever I go and see you in everything you create.  Help me to see you in every cell of my body, in every emotion of my mind, in every person I meet. 
         
                                                                                          Don Miguel Ruiz

The Moonbeam Laden Trail

IMAGINE THE grace

AND elegance

AND goodness

OF AN ENCHANTING CREATURE who bestows love and beauty upon everyone whose life she encounters!

 

Imagine the generosity of the  love emanating from her heart, touching everyone in her radius!

  

Imagine THE MOONBEAM LADEN TRAIL she leaves behind as she moves through life, anticipating her next adventure!

 

Now...imagine this beautiful creature is YOU!

And it's not impossible to envision yourself as this kind and compassionate...and very generous...mentor.

 

HERE'S HOW WE BEGIN.  

We begin by embracing our humanity, the work of the soul, in which we recognize and acknowledge and experience our very human reactions to things which trigger our unhealed hurts.  

This is the arena  where our subconscious kicks  in, the ninety-six per cent of the power which drives our behavior.  The place where the shenpa occurs (the space of time when our trigger is activated and the flash BEFORE we react).  

In this holy juncture, this twinkling in time,  we have the opportunity to choose our next move...the thoughts we think...and if, at this very point, we choose to think with our heart, we will be guided to express that beautiful thought and we will intuitively know how to do this.

And when our hearts are directing the story of our life, that story becomes infused with gentleness, softness and caring and we speak and act from that place...

By asking someone if something is concerning or troubling them when they speak words of anger or irritation...

By seeing in someone's face or movements evidence of a struggle or unexpressed emotions and holding space for them as they navigate the murky waters...

By trying to understand the intent behind someone's actions or words that felt confusing or troubling to us and asking them to help us understand their feelings.

 

One...even ONE choice...one movement in the direction of openness and expansion and generosity and love will be the moonbeam to bring Light  into the moment. 


Love grows exponentially and one expression of love will beget more and more expressions of love.  Before long, the entire direction of a moment will be anchored solidly on an upward path.

And it is our choice, our impulse to move beyond the EGO REACTION of something-is-coming-at-me to the HEART SPACE of how--can-I-bring-Light-to-this-moment that is the catalyst for the transformation.
 

If we do not make a conscious decision in the direction of love, our subconscious will do its work of activating more of whatever is our prevailing emotion and, if we are already upset by something, even more of that upset will be downloaded.

The choice is ours.

If we aspire to giving loving energy in every moment of our life with every person we encounter,

in every place we go, 

with every soul choice we make in our moments of challenge and dismay...

we CAN become that enchanting creature who always leaves evidence of love in her wake by connecting to and touching the hearts of all who have the privilege of encountering her!


                                      Marie Helena

image from fairiesfanpage.yolasite.com

He Said, She Said

The glorious, mysterious, and often frustrating mix of energies between male and female has left mankind puzzled for centuries.  And nowhere is this more evident than in the LANGUAGE used by both.

Even given the most noble intention...to BE THERE for the other... males and females often find their well-meaning attempts to request help and to respond get twisted and turned when the other sex tries to ascertain the meaning.

And here's why.

Men like to primarily fix things.  The mere mention of a problem by a female makes a male want to come up with the perfect solution and be the hero in her story of distress.

Women, on the other hand, just want to be HEARD.  And this translates to being listened to with great patience and compassion as they explain their plight, often weaving into the story other related concerns.  They DO NOT usually want to hear a quick fix.  What they want is to feel they are being listened to, heard, understood.  They want to know that SOMEONE understands their feelings.

Now that's a recipe for a perpetual conundrum.

None of this is news as we have all been aware that there are vast differences between the way the sexes perceive problems and the ways they want to solve them.

My attention here is on HOW to navigate these waters.  And here's my thought.

The first thing we have to do is OVERRIDE THE ORIGINAL DEFAULT BUTTON...the button that makes males confusedly wonder why females  won't appreciate a great problem solving idea and females conclude that no one understands how they feel.

When that default button gets pushed, emotions start to CRACKLE and everyone is dissatisfied with the outcome of the interaction.

Overriding a default takes conscious intention and perhaps we can embrace this idea by the promise it offers to help keep communication misses off the radar.

The new default button is THE IMMEDIATE STATEMENT OF HELPFUL INTENTION.  

She says something like, "I am feeling sad (distressed, worried, anxious, etc.) and I think it would help me to know that you understand the emotion I am experiencing.  Just understand it...no need to solve it right now as I am not ready for that step just yet."

He says, "I can see that you are distressed (unhappy, worried, stressed, etc.) and I care about you and want to help you feel better.  I have some ideas on how to do that when you are ready to hear them."

Now this will take some adjusting on the parts of both sexes because when the female is in a distress mode (the forlorn maiden locked in the tower of her emotions) and the male is in the problem solving mode (riding up on his noble steed, equipped with the weapons needed to fend off the enemy)...when these conditions have arisen, it is not easy to change directions.

The forlorn maiden must vacate her role as damsel-in-distress and the prince-riding-to-the-rescue must vacate his action-driven energy and both must  become the calm, patient and wise communicators...at least for the first few minutes of the interaction. 

Then, knowing what each other's intentions are, the conversation will now have the chance to play out differently.  Both parties can feel understood and appreciated.

Peace reigns.

The crisis has been attended to.

This is not an easy formula to put into practice because it is so natural to feel that the other sex SHOULD KNOW what we need and are intending.

But, energy-wise...this is a very efficient idea because the investment of a different approach and new default button will ultimately save the emotional trauma of someone  feeling misunderstood...a perception that can persist for an indeterminate amount of time

In this way we can even improve on Mother Nature's DISTRIBUTION OF EMOTIONAL RESOURCES and, through a conscious investment of our energy, easily receive/respond to what it was that we were originally looking for and hoping to give.

                                                                                            Marie Helena

The Ides of March

Let go of the need to defend your position.

       don Miguel Ruiz



It happens so easily to all of us.  We suddenly find ourselves in the middle of a highly spirited discussion and discover that we are face to face with an opposing or alternate perspective and so we automatically step into the role of “defender” of our position, digging in our heels...gently at first and then with increased vigor...as we set out to convince others of our point of view.  

What is it that encourages and even entices us to go for the “win”?  What is it that is driving this behavior that is so prevalent...and even predictable in the human psyche?

And, while we ponder that, imagine how disarming it would be to encounter an individual who has no need to convince everyone of the validity of his position, no need to be recognized by everyone as holding the "right" answer.


I had my own personal encounter with a situation like this a few years ago during a holiday gathering at our home.  It was a very subtle experience but later I strongly felt the significance of the moment.

Several people had been invited over for the holidays and we were chatting happily and enjoying the interchange.  I am not sure how we landed on this topic, but someone introduced the subject of 
The Ides of March.

At that point, I enthusiastically interjected myself into the conversation, remarking that I happened to know that The Ides of March fell on March 12th and that I knew this because The Ides of March was the birthday of a good friend of mine with whom I had worked.  One of our guests commented that The Ides of March was actually on March 15th.   At this observation, I strongly asserted that I was certain it was the 12th and that I had a memory of holding a very specific intention to recall that particular date.  After my interjection our guest declined to assert his belief that March 15 was the date in question and the group moved on past the consideration of the event’s date to its actual meaning.

By the way, Wikipedia describes The Ides of March as "a day in the calendar notable for the Romans as a deadline for settling debts."


This little incident was long forgotten by me until  a few months later on March 15 when I happened to hear a commentator announce that it was The Ides of March.

Oooooops!  I thought and looked online to verify this unexpected piece of information.  As I absorbed the correction, two thoughtscircled in my brain.  The first was:  How did I ever confuse this date and become so convinced that I had it right?  The second was:  What a considerate 
guest we had hosted at our home that evening during the holidays.  The visitor had obviously known his information was right and yet he chose not to make a point of debating this with me in front of the others.

This gesture of his felt important to me.  I saw this behavior as evidence of his generosity and thoughtfulness and I made a point of telling him so the next time we spoke.


How refreshing it had been to engage with someone who was not harboring a strong competitive need to prove his point.  And, on the fifteenth of March, the point was made for itself quietly and with no aggressive fanfare.


This choice of action of our guest that night most certainly revealed his honoring and understanding of human emotions.  Giving me the opportunity to learn for myself what I did not know was actually very profound.  He clearly saw that the date itself was not the primary issue and neither was emerging as the person who had all of the answers.  

He had no need to engage in a battle of rightness; he just wanted the opportunity to plant the seed of what he knew to be true.

This individual was obviously able to enter into a moment and quietly leave his gentle signature on it, inviting others to engage with the information in the perfect moment for them.  No need to defend...just a subtle awareness and affirmation of how we learn best when we are in the most relaxed and curious frame of mind.

What a splendid idea!  No “debt settling” of The Ides of March...rather just an eloquent exploration.


                                                                  Marie Helena