Unspeakable Kindness

 

Bestselling American author 
Geneen Roth tells us that whenever we feel an upsetting explosion of emotion that arrives unexpectedly and without invitation, it is a holy moment.  Sacred information is being revealed to us and it is our being triggered that opens this fascinating door to our awareness.

This triggering is not an easy moment for any of us.  It is messy and confusing and unpredictable...but it is real.  We can feel it in our bodies and now we can no longer pretend that nothing is wrong.  It is here and it is running the show.

Yikes, we think.  This is not how I want to express myself.  But the intensity of the moment has revealed our truth... something is very wrong and disturbing us and it wants to...it demands...to be heard.

How do we deal with this maelstrom

of emotional turbulence?

We WELCOME the messengers.

But who are these strangers who have burst into the middle of our lives?

Geneen Roth has chosen a mysterious and compelling image to describe these characters who are presenting the epiphanies  to us.  She calls them Ghost Children.  And we all have a cache of them waiting in line to be recognized and heard.

I think Roth calls these characters ghosts because they are the couriers of unresolved pain and she calls them children because they represent our innocence as we enter the world and also because they are persistent as all children are in wanting to be heard and acknowledged.

And what are we to do with these internuncios...these  emissaries of the soul longing for acknowledgment and release? Roth has a remedy to suggest.  She instructs us to welcome, love and question our ghost children.

Further, she passionately advises us to be unspeakably kind to them 

for they represent our unhealed hearts and, left unattended, they will affect the way we view life and ourselves and how we interact with others.

This may seem a very challenging way to deal with our own storm surges  and the emotional explosions of others because the very act of being triggered or of triggering others is fraught with grave tension and anxiety and the survival protection of defensiveness.

But, when a triggering occurs,  it is unhealed hurt that has gathered the courage to speak and it needs to be honored.  Hence, the unspeakable kindness Roth proposes for when our tears, metaphorical or otherwise, are attempting to show themselves for release and resolution, we will always do this more easily when we have been met with loving kindness.  When an open heart responds to our pain, we are gently encouraged to examine the circumstances that have inspired it.

When moments of Intense and disturbing gravitas are met with beautiful  tenderness, love and “unspeakable kindness” we move together through an incredible 

transmutation and healing. 

This vision of Geneen Roth is beautiful and  inspiring.  We have the ability to dream it and, having dreamt it, we can more easily manage to make this a hallmark of our lives.

                            Marie Helena

Image from pinterest 

Stuck in Your OwnTraffic Jam!

  

It's 5:03 p.m. and you have just left work with high hopes of scooting into traffic before the usual dinnertime craziness strikes...but, unfortunately, it's forming ahead of you. 


 One block up and there you are...stuck in a traffic jam. 
 
We ALL know what this is like.  

The frustration of being frozen in place when every cell in our body wants to move.  But we are constrained by the circumstances of the moment.  We are wedged in on every side.  Our annoyanceand irritation are growing  because we are stuck.  There is no motion or movement and it's making everything worse.  : (


You have just read my metaphor describing what happens in our body when a pain occurs and we choose to contract.


Here are some examples of what "contract"ion looks like:

You think, 
                      "Oh no, what's happening to me now?"
                     "What's wrong?"
                      "I hate when this happens.  I thought I was over this."
                      "What next?"
                       "I have to fix this...where is the aspirin?"
                      " This is __________'s fault for talking to me like that."

and your body records the frustration with increased stress and tension.


All of these thoughts tend to make us contract...from anxiety or distress.  They either express our exasperation, our attempt to "fix" something or our tendency to find someone else to take the blame...in effect, causing the "traffic jam" in our body to Intensify and the pain to worsen.

And by choosing the route of contraction we miss the traffic "signal" of our body (the pain) which is there to help us navigate our way through the impasse.  We fail to recognize...to hear the body's message and honor it...and that message is..."Something is STUCK and we need to help it move."

 
AND HOW DO WE ACCOMPLISH THIS?
 
We accomplish this by sitting quietly and observing the pain...experiencing  how it is expressing itself.  

We watch it softly...non- judgmentally...for however long it is present and we patiently track its movement,  paying close attention to what it feels like.   

Over time, with our acceptance and patience, in my experience the pain WILL move and change its expression several times and...eventually... it will release its hold on the body.


This journey of release is the path energy takes when it is allowed to move.  When it is kept hostage by contraction (just like when we are caught in the unyielding traffic jam),  it grows more intense and more upsetting and, yes, more painful.


The ancient Hopi tribe was very aware of the powerful effect of moving energy and used this principle in its healing rituals.  Unfortunately, in contemporary life, we often choose outside sources to help us when the body itself is its OWN healing agent if we but listen to its message and get out of our own way.


By allowing our energy to disengage from the point of pain and move of its own volition we can honor the exquisite wisdom of our body when it is stuck in its own traffic jam and begin the beautiful journey of release.

                                                                                          Marie Helena 

image from science roll.com.  

Me and My "Shadow"

The plaintiff lyrics of the wistful  ballad, "Me and My Shadow", describe the loneliness of being "all alone and feeIin' blue".  It's a beautiful song, with a melodious refrain, but it's the stereotyped version of the shadow.

The Divine Universe has something else in mind..

The SHADOW which the Divine Universe provides us with is none other than our own HIGHER SELF and there is nothing sad or lonely about this companion. 

Our HIGHER SELF embodies unconditional love, mastery, brilliance, compassion, sensitivity, power.  The list goes on.  

This significance of this "shadow"  is the fact that HIGHER SELF is ALWAYS with us.  We can choose not to be aware, to fail to connect with this power...to go alone on our own path, but support and assistance and wisdom ARE within our reach in this glorious, yes..luminous, "shadow" which we all possess.

HIGHER SELF reveals itself to us on so many occasions...IF we are listening.

Recently, I did some reading on the concept of  Surrender...something which has intrigued me greatly and, in this moment, I WAS listening carefully.   Up until that point I had thought that the guidance to Surrender (which I had read in many different places) meant stop trying to solve the problem.   But now I saw a new interpretation of Surrender...and it was Surrenderingto the experience itself (and not just to the issue of discovering the solution).

Shortly after this I found myself unable to find my way through a difficulty of some magnitude.  I decided to try "Surrendering to the experience itself" and was astounded to discover that no sooner had I taken that step, the wisdom of many insights began to enter into my consciousness.  

I had acknowledged the challenge facing me and accepted it (surrendered to it) with amazing results. 

Which leads me to the questions:   

Is it our earthwork to realize that in this illusion we call LIFE it is our job to "see" we are not alone and open the door to guidance from HIGHER SELF?  

Is  the door closed until WE open it by acknowledging the power and wisdom we already possess and which is housed in our HIGHER SELF?

Later I had still another experience of HIGHER SELF support. 

At this time I found myself affected by a comment which triggered an emotional memory of pain.  I chose at that point to be completely aware of my body's reaction and to stay in that place of great mindfulness until my body became calm so that my hippocampus could have the time and opportunity to reframe the experience of pain. 

Here again I found my "Shadow", HIGHER SELF, stepping in to help me see that the pain I had been experiencing was only the result of the earth journey I was on (with its accompanying lessons to be learned).  

The truth is that I am (as are you) ALREADY perfect as embodied in HIGHER SELF. 

It is only in this experience (life) that we take on the veil of forgetfulness  that we are ALREADY perfect... ALREADY whole...luminous and loving....and courageous enough to take on our earthly journey to learn lessons within this dimension.

And, as real and as intense as they may feel, our experiences here are ONLY the illusions of our earth journey.

What magnificent wisdom is possessed in that glorious entity, our heavenly "Shadow"...what brilliant insights...what support and affirmation...what reassurance and peace!

Know that this most wonderful Shadow is unconditionally following your life...with curiosity and delight and unquestioning support.

You are NOT alone..  

                     Marie Helena 

image from thornesquest.com 

Yutori

The Japanese have a word for the beautiful concept of

spaciousness...Yutori. 

Writer and story coach Sally Fox describes it as: 
living with enough time and enough space to allow the world to fill you, often in simple ways.

Seems easy enough to do, doesn’t it?  But so often we find ourselves rushing to an event or appointment arriving exactly on time or, perhaps, even a few minutes late and, thereby, leaping directly into the scheduled activity, missing the beautiful ambiance of the moment.   And, yet, it is in this wondrous and mystical ambiance that the world speaks to us and fills our souls with the energy of every element that is a part of each scene we enter.

We live truly enchanting lives.  Each new setting we find ourselves in holds vibrational  character and potential personal impact.  Each setting is just waiting to interact with us having been assembled by the Divine Universe to address the issues we care about and are concerned with.

But we must trust our hearts to be the connectors, inviting them to listen, see and feel the moment.  Every living thing has an animating spirit.  Every animating spirit exists to support our journey.  All we need do is invite and engage the support we seek.  We are surrounded by thousands of opportunities, by animating spirits excited for us, joining together to help us evolve.  Everyone and everything is BREATHING this joyful ministry.

Messages are waiting to be delivered to inspire and motivate us. The scent of a beautiful flower may evoke a tender feeling in our hearts.  The sight of a child’s playfulness can remind us of the purity and power of authenticity.  The coldness of the steel we touch may evoke the memory of a news report of immigrant children sleeping on cement floors.  Any or all of these moments may stir our hearts to take action in the direction we wish to grow.

But to SEE all of this, to not pass it by we must invite each moment of our day to speak to our hearts and we must create the spaciousness for this to happen.  We must pause in our valiant efforts of DOING to choose BEING instead.  Being present.  Walking into a moment and breathing it into our hearts.  Feeling ease.  Seeing the love and support awaiting us.  Inviting the spirit and beauty of all things to engage with us in our SPACIOUS lives. 

YUTORI 

                                                  Marie Helena 

image from Pinterest

The Trial

When I was in graduate school pursuing my Master’s Degree, I had a professor who taught an entire course focusing on one single piece of literature:  Franz Kafka’s novel, The Trial.  

 At the time, it seemed strange to me that the entire semester would be devoted to studying just that one novel.  We were required to write a definitive paper for the course about the significance of the novel.  I labored over this assignment for a long period of time but could not seem to determine what it was the professor wanted us to recognize.  Eventually, I had a discussion with a fellow student in the class who explained to me that Kafka’s novel could be read one way to make a very compelling point.  But it could also be read a second way to convey a completely opposite meaning.   


It took a real challenge to my intellect for me to take Kafka’s novel and step back and give it some perspective so that I could  see it from two completely different points of view.  I was finally able to do it, but only now looking at my life experiences do I understand what I think the method was in my professor’s “madness“.


This morning, many years later, I feel I am finally realizing the rationale my professor might very well have had in mind.  This graduate school course exercise seems to me now to be designed to reinforce an important truth about life:  We see what we already believe or, to be more precise, what we are prepared and willing to believe about the world and, most especially, about ourselves.


It is incredibly easy to see what we EXPECT to be there…what we already believe about ourselves and others.  The life snapshots we click on seem so real and so “rational” and so we file them away as objective evidence of the beliefs we are already holding, completely ignoring the fact that they validate and justify the life conclusions we have made to that point in time which steadfastly occupy the submerged part of the iceberg which is our subconscious.

And so, trapped in the tundra of our early life impressions and experiences, how do we emerge to free ourselves and discover what else the canvas holds?

My graduate school professor MADE us look for more and I am left with the prospect of considering whether there is ALWAYS more.  And it seems to me there is and failing to recognize that is to overlook important information that would increase our awareness of the issues that complicate our lives and our empathy for the individuals struggling through them.


What if, as a practice, we made ourselves search for whatever could prove the opposite of what we believe?

Where could this lead us?  Would it make us more empathic?  More open?  More aware?  More cognizant of vital information?  Would it source all of our actions in LOVE?

Without opening ourselves up to the possibility that there is more to the story, we may very well assign ourselves the role of existing in the small, constructed room we have built around our hearts.  We may fail to see the pain that others are enduring.  We may also fail to see the beauty, the caring, the love that is being expressed to us in ways that we do not readily recognize. 

We need to step out of our own limited experience and open ourselves up to the mystery and wonder of the myriad of ways that people respond to life.

I have heard this profound truth expressed before. I have even recognized myself at times as bound to my currently operating beliefs.  But I have not been moved to transcend this practice until today as I, with great curiosity and excitement, recall my graduate course in Kafka.  

I wonder how many things we experience in life failing to understand the power of their significance.  

It seems worth the effort to move past our already formulated, sometimes cursory assessments and open ourselves up to the mystery hiding in the corners of our lives.  The great thirteenth century mystic Rumi advises us to “sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.”

Following Rumi’s guidance will undoubtedly lead us to some new wisdom.  Perhaps THIS is the real TRIAL awaiting us.  Will we eventually reach the point where we can see beyond the boundaries that we have constructed for ourselves through the necessity for our survival or by the world itself moving through its own evolution?


                                                                                         Marie Helena



image from pinterest
Imprimer à partir d'aquarelle mode Illustration par Mysoulfly ...

The Road Less Traveled*

The Medal...The Prize…The Goal...

The Achievement!!!

The supreme “reward” of reaching our goals exists today as an intense cultural value.  And getting to those goals faster and more efficiently than ever before is considered the capstone of achievement.  The world worships and adulates evidence of this mastery.

But what have we really mastered?

We have learned to be so singularly focused on the prize that we are not aware of the beautiful, engaging experiences we are passing through.  Instead, each moment  recasts itself as a steppingstone to the end goal...something to be managed, dealt with, overcome.  

And we spend great effort and time conditioning ourselves for our performance so that we can endure even while sustaining physical, mental and emotional stress.

This is not a story of beauty and gentleness, of calm and connection.  It is a story of effort rather than enjoyment, stress instead of stillness.

There is, undoubtedly, great value in developing our physical prowess, in the accompanying mental agility

and in the determination and  tenacity that makes these accomplishments possible.

But we must not be so completely consumed by the “trophies” of achievement which we feel define us as winners in the eyes of the world.  We must make room for us to also unwind and soften our ambitions to succeed.

Let’s define ourselves just as profoundly as fully awakened to the world’s  breathtaking beauty, to the exquisite joy of hearing its heartbeat as it manifests in the whimsical daisy, the rush of its rivers, the tawny cat curled sleepily on the porch.  And, most especially, to each other as we share the longings of our souls.

As we continue to climb the  metaphoric hills of our lives,

Let us embrace and ENJOY the bountiful and exquisite gifts of the journey.  

The frantic drive to accomplish our goals is man’s interpretation of achieving success in the world.  Relaxing into its natural elegance and  grace is the Divine Universe’s prescription for finding our JOY.

                       😎🌷🦋🐰🌻🐿🌿🪁

                                               Marie Helena

What a beautiful day.  Summer!!! What a gift.   Feel the warmth of the sun as it permeates your  body and feeds the soul. A good time to relax, meditate and listen. 

                                            Dan Pokora

The Road Less Travelled*

Title credited from a book of the same name by M. Scott Peck

floral image: 

Watercolor paintings

pinterest..com

Remembrance: Why We Should Forgive Ourselves

FORGIVE YOURSELF. 

The supreme act of forgiveness is when you can forgive yourself for all the wounds you've created in your own life. Forgiveness is an act of self-love. When you forgive yourself, self-acceptance begins and self-love grows,
 
Don Miguel Ruiz

As we write the story of our life, our learning occurs in a myriad of ways.  Sometimes the path is straight and clear.  We take action that feels instinctively right...it works beautifully...we benefit and all is well.
 
Sometimes our learning takes a different path.  

Sometimes we are influenced by unhealed pain, hurt, unmet needs, etc. and we choose a path that is not in our best interest.  But, at that time, the choice we made felt like the only way we could go.

And so we went there.  And it was not what we expected. 

All was not well.  And we ultimately JUDGED ourselves for the choice and stayed mired in sadness and regret. 

Writing the story of our life is not usually a black and white endeavor.  Sometimes we are drawn to what SEEMS like a solution but ultimately does not deliver on that (false) promise. 

 

However, our learning can occur quite brilliantly when we can view our actions with some objectivity...

perhaps uncover what has moved us in that direction...

love ourselves through the pain of self-confrontation,,,

and emerge with a stronger, braver view of what we want to do with our lives.

Judging ourselves (or anyone or anything) is not productive. 

It delays our process of learning.  

What is needed is an open, accepting heart that understands we were trying to navigate some difficulty...a heart which knows that LOVE is always expressing itself the best way it knows how.

What we did is what we knew.  When we know better, we do better.  

And, as we reflect on our choices and their consequences, we begin to know better and we do better.  We pass by judgment, embracing instead our humanity and moving forward with new wisdom and insight.

 

Perhaps the forgiveness which Don Miguel Ruiz is talking about can really be called the simple act of KNOWING that we are on a journey with some distracting side paths which ultimately can lead us to our true destination...a REMEMBERING of the glorious perfection of Who We Truly Are and an acceptance of how learning can occur in a dualistic world.

                                                             Marie Helena

                                                                               

image from salliesart.blogspot.com