A Plum in the Pudding

 
Souls are tempered in the depth of experience, growing in inner strength and unyielding courage.

        Chinese saying




Codependency is the inability to maintain one's boundaries, choosing instead to take on and feel responsible for the problems and concerns of others. 

And it is a wild ride. 
 
Codependency is annoying,  irritating, frustrating...a maelstrom of upsetting emotions.  It is completely exhausting being affected by things that have nothing to do with you.  But, for the codependent, that's how things go down.  


But this "pudding" of ever emerging irritation has a plum in it (and the plum blossom is a symbol of STRENGTH). 

The irritation experienced by the codependent person is so blatant it's difficult to ignore.  No easy sweeping it under the rug.  It's so big, so there, so very THERE.

Depending on others for our well-being IS a tumultuous undertaking in which we relinquish our power to create and control our lives.  And it's not an easy position to abandon, having been led to it by unhealed pain resting so heavily in our heart.


The fact is it is nearly impossible for the codependent who has been TRIGGERED to ignore the emotional chaos and clamor he is experiencing.  And therein lies the plum in this pudding. 


When the pain of codependency becomes so very intense, there is an overwhelming urge to find a solution to the suffering. And the solution begins with acknowledging that the pain is there.

Recognizing, acknowledging and owning our pain is the beginning of a direct path to healing and resolution as there is something very POWERFUL about finally naming our angst.

It occurs to me that this very naming…this "owning" of our discordant emotions...may be the externalizing of a subconscious impulse.  Perhaps it is the impulse…the irresistible impulse… of a highly sensitive person who senses that what is transpiring between himself and another is off kilter on one side or the other or on both sides of the equation.

And, on some level, this highly sensitive person wants to put things right but is not sure how to go about this and, therefore, what emerges, instead, is unease..,anxiety...irritation... or fear. 


Our emotions are the barometer which gives us the reading on our inner weather, indicating when we are off course.  Esther Hicks (channeling Abraham) tells us that when we are upset or distraught or are experiencing anything that feels negative, it is because our actions are not in harmony with Who We Truly Are.  We are not in resonance with our beautiful Source energy.  And it doesn't feel good.


The question is:  What do we do about this upsetting feeling?  Where do we go next to put this anxiety to rest?


It is usually the "codependent" person who is experiencing the most upset in a situation such as this.  That is not to say that the other person is not distraught.  However, his level of anxiety may be less and he may have pushed that anxiety below the surface and is not actively addressing the issue. 
 

Because the highly sensitive codependent person cannot easily ignore his emotional and physical symptoms, this is a perfect time for him to find some relief by taking the lead in solving the problem and, at the same time, introducing an element of healing into the encounter.


In a time of conflict or unease, it is important for both individuals to honor themselves by relating to the other what it is that would be helpful and supportive to them in this circumstance.  The codependent person can begin this process and encourage the other person to join him.  When both individuals do this in a gentle manner without any expectation or attachment to how the other will respond, a beautiful ease is infused into the moment.  Each person assesses his own energy level, communicates that to the other and suggests what he is able and willing to do to help both individuals to get their needs met and find a resolution to the problem.
 

The decision to be present in THIS moment rather than stuck in old patterns of reaction coming from unhealed hurt can propel the codependent person into a new way of response, diffusing old subconscious vestiges of pain that have chosen to show themselves and which now see there is no need for them to be replayed. 

What a BLESSING when the codependent individual can courageously recognize and embrace his discord and use that energy to lead himself and another to a loving and peaceful resolution to a problem which has caused him so much concern.


The sensitivity of the "codependent" person can be a wonderful blessing not only to himself but to everyone he encounters, inspiring creative and loving responses to moments of chaos and unrest, 


And I wonder...
Is it the nature of the Divine Universe to tuck the mysteriously important plums into all of our puddings?


                                                                 Marie Helena

 

image from etsy.com