The Acceptance of Grief

Whenever we experience a loss...and, especially, a significant loss...we are thrust with great impact into the work of GRIEVING.

The process of grief can occur quite naturally for us if we have a clear channel open to our emotions.  

Hopefully, we have been fortunate enough to learn by instruction, example or experience the importance of letting ourselves feel and express our emotions...such a significant lesson to learn for our happiness and health.  

And, because we have learned this lesson, we are able to allow ourselves to experience the natural expression of our pain and distress.

This reflection is not about that process. 

 It is about what happens AFTER  we grieve.  

We may be able to express our emotions freely whether it is through words or tears or sensory experiences of the body.  But where that grief takes us NEXT is worth pondering.

The grieving process can leave us with a heaviness and sadness...permeating our day as we carry it through our every thought, word or action.

The process can color our day so strongly that it seems impossible to get out from under this storm.

Or...

This process can free our spirit 

as the rain opens the sky to the sun...

as Mother Earth nurtures the seeds which have been planted on her terrain...

as the crying baby responds to having its needs met and now sees the world with eyes of beauty and wonder.

The process of grieving is truly beautiful...

representing our connection with another,
our treasuring of the gifts of that connection  

and, because we enter directly into feeling the experience, it represents our ACCEPTANCE of the natural unfolding of the Divine Universe.  

This unfolding carries the truths of the universe, some easy to embrace, some more challenging. 

There is nothing for us to do but BE in this moment.

Like the underside of a work of embroidery, our lives can appear to have many loose, chaotic strands, but when we turn the fabric over the beauty that is intended emerges.

In our earth journey we mostly see the haphazard strands with no clear pattern emerging...but our spirit knows the beauty of the work of art that is our lives and the way in which that art is unfolding.

An awareness of and a faith in this process help us to know on a soul level that the acceptance of our expression of grief is an affirmation of our humanity.

It is a gift...a cleansing...ultimately nurturing and preparing us for whatever work lies ahead in our journey. 

It is an important part of the rhythm and music and pace of LIFE itself.

                                 Marie Helena 

The Ides of March

L

Let go of the need to defend your position.

       don Miguel Ruiz



It happens so easily to all of us.  We suddenly find ourselves in the middle of a highly spirited discussion and discover that we are face to face with an opposing or alternate perspective and so we automatically step into the role of “defender” of our position, digging in our heels...gently at first and then with increased vigor...as we set out to convince others of our point of view.  

What is it that encourages and even entices us to go for the “win”?  What is it that is driving this behavior that is so prevalent...and even predictable in the human psyche?

And, while we ponder that, imagine how disarming it would be to encounter an individual who has no need to convince everyone of the validity of his position, no need to be recognized by everyone as holding the "right" answer.


I had my own personal encounter with a situation like this a few years ago during a holiday gathering at our home.  It was a very subtle experience but later I strongly felt the significance of the moment.

Several people had been invited over for the holidays and we were chatting happily and enjoying the interchange.  I am not sure how we landed on this topic, but someone introduced the subject of 
The Ides of March.

At that point, I enthusiastically interjected myself into the conversation, remarking that I happened to know that The Ides of March fell on March 12th and that I knew this because The Ides of March was the birthday of a good friend of mine with whom I had worked.  One of our guests commented that The Ides of March was actually on March 15th.   At this observation, I strongly asserted that I was certain it was the 12th and that I had a memory of holding a very specific intention to recall that particular date.  After my interjection our guest declined to assert his belief that March 15 was the date in question and the group moved on past the consideration of the event’s date to its actual meaning.

By the way, Wikipedia describes The Ides of March as "a day in the calendar notable for the Romans as a deadline for settling debts."


This little incident was long forgotten by me until  a few months later on March 15 when I happened to hear a commentator announce that it was The Ides of March.

Oooooops!  I thought and looked online to verify this unexpected piece of information.  As I absorbed the correction, two thoughts circled in my brain.  The first was:  How did I ever confuse this date and become so convinced that I had it right?  The second was:  What a considerate 
guest we had hosted at our home that evening during the holidays.  The visitor had obviously known his information was right and yet he chose not to make a point of debating this with me in front of the others.

This gesture of his felt important to me.  I saw this behavior as evidence of his generosity and thoughtfulness and I made a point of telling him so the next time we spoke.


How refreshing it had been to engage with someone who was not harboring a strong competitive need to prove his point.  And, on the fifteenth of March, the point was made for itself quietly and with no aggressive fanfare.


This choice of action of our guest that night most certainly revealed his honoring and understanding of human emotions.  Giving me the opportunity to learn for myself what I did not know was actually very profound.  He clearly saw that the date itself was not the primary issue and neither was emerging as the person who had all of the answers.  

He had no need to engage in a battle of rightness; he just wanted the opportunity to plant the seed of what he knew to be true.

This individual was obviously able to enter into a moment and quietly leave his gentle signature on it, inviting others to engage with the information in the perfect moment for them.  No need to defend...just a subtle awareness and affirmation of how we learn best when we are in the most relaxed and curious frame of mind.

What a splendid idea!  No “debt settling” of The Ides of March...rather just an eloquent exploration.


                                                                                                     Marie Helena

The Office Manager

Good MORNING! This is the Office Manager.


Your soul station directs, your life force moves and we choreograph your day!

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